This Dinner

I'm making Rotel Chicken for dinner tonight. It's a simple recipe. Pour Rotel on top of chicken breasts and bake, covered, at 350 for an hour or so. It's amazing what a fan favorite it has become around here. I started us all on a diet this week so everyone is still having relentless sugar cravings. April had to wrestle herself away from some Reeses yesterday. I don't envy her that moment when she found them in her purse! After some contemplation yesterday I decided hot skim milk with some Splenda and Hersheys cocoa would suit for hot chocolate, and it was great! I'm very surprised how satisfying it was. I will probably have a cup before bed tonight. No fat, no sugar, and the deliciousness of chocolate. I'm a genius. Actually my husbands a genius, but so flighty.... very Absentminded Professor. I'm really struggling right now to find the will to clean the house more. It's edging towards unacceptable. It's currently "lived in."

So Quiet

I love and adore these couple of hours. Right between 4:30 and 6:30pm. It's so quiet and calm in my home. Sometimes I spend these two hours cleaning the heck out of something, and sometimes I take a nap. The weather is super gloomy today and I'm totally wondering if I can exchange my afternoon snack of V8 for a cup of hot cocoa. I don't think so because I don't have any sugar free, but the thought of it makes me happy. If I'm going to write, this is the time. I think my sister Stephanie is going to give notice at her job today. She works in-home for a couple who both have cerebral palsy. They are not a joy to work for. The idea of working for them is good since they provide a flexible schedule and a decent wage, but the reality is unpleasant. Suffice it to say they are rude, crass, and lovers of starting and stirring drama. Too much for me! She starts her OJT (on the job training) next month, and really needs the time anyways. My attitude is poor today. I'm hoping for sunshine tomorrow. These clouds really slow me down.

Nine to Eleven

I very much dislike the time between 9pm and 11pm. I'm supposed to go to bed at 9 since I get up at 5 to meet the kids at the front door. This is very rarely how it works. Usually I fuss and fidgit until about 11 when I force myself to lie down. Then , being exhausted a mere 6 hours later, I go back to sleep once the kids are settled in. If I do stay up to take advantage of those precious productive hours before the whole house erupts in chaos, I end up napping all afternoon. It pretty much comes down to guilt which is why I dislike these two hours so much. I feel guilty for the entire 120 minutes. I'm a master of guilt.

Just a Beginning

I really love my friend Becca. She is one of those people that everyone is drawn to. I've been reading her blog for years now. Like four years. Becca really introduced me to this concept of blogging. I'd also say that she is the only person who EVER checks this page for any possible postings or changes, and so I feel pretty safe writing just about anything here. I'm not a very calm person. I get really nervous when there's a lot of chaos, and then I turn around and get really fidgity when there's nobody else here. I ramble a lot, but I really try to think through what I want to say. Yes, that's right, I'm a waffler. Few things really satisfy me, and I rarely stick to any one thing for the long term. I'm being vague. I'm trying to write out some of things I want to work on and improve in myself. I look back on all these years I've been trying to lose weight and I'm truly astounded at how many times over I could have gotten this under control! I can make a really great start. I'm educated on the subject. I KNOW what to do! I just fail over and over to do it. It affects everything. My personality, my career choices, my ability to have children. It breaks my heart. And yet here I am 27 years old and just as heavy as ever. I'm going to blog. I'm not going to tell anyone I'm blogging. I don't need to feel self conscious about it. But I do need someplace to get some things out. Some fears and some dreams and maybe some tears. I hate crying. Not when other people cry, but the loss of control I feel when I cry. That's OK. If the only person reading is Becca, then she has certainly seen me cry before. And if she's not reading, I'm still gonna write like she is, because I never have to lie to Becca. That's a comfort.